South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
