I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
