butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
