just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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