I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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