overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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