We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
