Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
