My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
