I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
