Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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