Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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