then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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