Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
