My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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