the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He felt like a one man threesome
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am available for nakedness
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
