I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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