I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I want her autograph on my taint
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
