Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
