She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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