Can Purell be used as lube?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
