I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
