Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
