My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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