he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
