So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
