i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
