Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
