That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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