Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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