I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
