Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
