he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
