if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's the barista slut.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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