i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
