There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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