so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
