wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
