I can tuck mytits in my pants
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
