yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
