Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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