I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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