matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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