Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
