Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
