Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
