The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
