I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Non-Jews are for practice
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
