Me. At least after what I've been through.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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