I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
