What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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