I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
